The internship

I've start my internship since 3 weeks ago. The raya was really hectic and still it was really really fun. I think it was the most fun raya I have ever had.

Ok, get back to the internship back. First thing's first. It. Is. Really. Hard.

I don't think the internship is hard but the life is. I fairly happy with the internship but other parts like my house, friends, money and of course my bf.

My house; is fine. But there's no furniture other than sofa and a dinner table and fridge. N that's all. I really can't live like this.

My friends, my fear about the curiousity of my friends has already happened. They start to ask alots of questions. Someone like me, can't live with people who are busybody. I mean like, come on. We are 24 y/o. Better to stay our own business. I never ask anything personal to them, why they have to?

The money; I don't get the loan this semester and I need to be really careful with my money. I feel like i want to cry every single day because if this.

And my bf; same old story. He's bz. U can figure it out already if u read my previous thread about him.

It's just 3 weeks but I can't wait this to be over. Ughhh...

Too Phat ft Yasin-Alhamdulillah with lyrics (english version ).

Miracle day

i donno what happened yesterday but there were lots of things happened. first of all, the house. we manage to get it. what is more surprisingly, it cost a hundred per month. out of the other house we search, we manage to rent a house with the lowest rent ever. donno about that house but i hope it's safe and not haunted or anything like that.

my atm's card.  i just made a new atm card a week ago and i forgot the password. so that's why i needed to go back to jb straight away so that i can fix it. but, my father had already bank in the money for the deposit of the house when my card is locked but my father manage to bank in in my friend's account. that's unusual for him because he'll always complaint about my mistake, but he didn't. i was like, wow.. is that a miracle or coincidence?

and the bus. i think the bus driver drove really slow but we manage to reach jb in time. that's impressive for bus that left kl during late evening because usually the road would have bad traffic, but it didn't yesterday. yesterday was indeed a miracle day.

i donno what happened but, Alhamdullilah, praise to Allah. i have awful lots of sin, but You helped me.

Blames on me

How long, how long will I slide? Separate my side
I don't believe it's bad, Slit my throat, it's all I ever

I heard your voice through a photograph, I thought it up, it brought up the past
Once you know you can never go back, I've got to take it on the otherside

Centuries are what it meant to me, A cemetery where I marry the sea
Stranger things could never change my mind
I've got to take it on the otherside

Pour my life into a paper cup, The ashtray's full and I'm spillin' my guts
She wants to know am I still a slut, I've got to take it on the otherside

Scarlet starlet and she's in my bed, A candidate for my soul mate bled
Push the trigger and pull the thread, I've got to take it on the otherside
Take it on the otherside, Take it on, take it on

Turn me on, take me for a hard ride, Burn me out, leave me on the otherside
I yell and tell it that it's not my friend, I tear it down, I tear it down
And then it's born again
                                                                                                    Anthony Kiedis, Otherside

i don't know what is it me and rock songs. i've been listening to them since i was 13 years old. maybe it's because i used to be rebel and rock genre really suited my soul. after all, that's what rock genre is about. at least most of them. i used to slammed my door and increased the volume of my radio to the highest volume when i faught with my mom. i always think when i listen to them, i can cool myself down. and it works for years.

i am very complicated person. i used to fought with my bf and i listened to rock songs, watched movies and played condition zero at the same time. i did it so that my brain wouldn't think about things i didn't want think about. but, it wasn't really enough because i was really really disturb that time.

this is the song that have the biggest influence in my life. 99.99% of the lyric is about my life. i always want to cry when i listen to this song. it's about choosing what's right and leave the wrong things in your life. even though you really really like that bad thing.

it's kinda funny for me that it's really easy to do something wrong. just like open a door and you just get in. but it's really really hard to do something good. i need to find keys of doors that i want to get in. and of course i end-up do something easy and when the guilt comes, i'd stop it. and when i want to, i do it again. again. and again. and i'm tired to be like this.

and when this virgin young girl came, she reminded me of my promise of not allow any girls to have the same experience as i have. that's why i never introduce my friends to any guys i found on net. too bad i already did it. and that's the guilt came in and i started to hate myself. i was crying all night last night thinking what have i done. i shouldn't have done that. i felt like i ruin her life.

she's young and excited with her environment. of course she wants to try everything. and when she likes it she does it again and again. until one day, the regrets come. that time she'd blame me. it's okay if she wants to but i'm afraid if she would destruct herself too. just like i do.

i'm sorry for what i did. i know i really want it but not from you. hope you can be a normal girl and success in everything you do. good luck.

pemegang ijazah

aku tak tahu la kenapa dengan diri aku, yang rasa aku tak sehebat mana yang orang lain fikirkan. yela, kalo nak bandingkan diri aku dengan kawan-kawan aku, aku rasa aku di tahap yang tercorot.

tapi bila aku toleh ke belakang balik, dan mengingati zaman-zaman spm dan selepas itu, ramai kawan-kawan aku yang kat sini tak dapat langsung pergi sejauh macam aku. mungkin aku bukan dean list tapi, aku di antara yang terbaik dari terbaik dari ladang.

sedar tak sedar aku dah nak abes degree dan akan masuk alam pekerjaan. cam2 aku rasa. rasa gembire sebab da nak kerja tapi pada masa yang sme, aku takut aku tak leh menyesuaikan diri dalam alam pekerjaan. ramai member2 aku cakap alam pekerjaan banyak politik dalaman dan isu2 yang susah nak dipercakapkan. aku just dengar dan simpan je la data tu. 

2 3 bulan ni aku memang malas gile nak menulis kat sini. idea mmg sangat banyak, tapi tau la nape aku tak leh nak menulis. status fb aku pon aku malas nak update. komen2 kat 9gag je berlambak. sebab malas? mungkin.. mungkin kot.. :P

Perspektif yang berbeza

seminggu aku berjalan dari selatan ke utara. banyak tempat dapat aku lalui dan banyak ragam orang aku pelajari. seminggu rasa cam sekejap tadi pelajaran yang aku dapat, rasanya berguna untuk selama-lamanya.

kengkadang aku rasa mereka nak menegakkan sesuatu yg betul, tetapi bende yang betul tu bila membawa keburukan membuatkan seseorang tu terpaksa membuat pilihan untuk memilih jalan yg kelihatan salah. tapi sebenarnya dari satu pandangan lain, ianya memberi keuntungan yang sama pada mereka.

cara tu tak semudah seperti caraku, tapi cara itu cara yang betul. dan itulah yang paling penting. jika itu cara kau untuk menjaga hak kita, aku halalkan. aku tak menghalang, dan tak mengajak. aku cuma mahu tahu kenapa dan sekarang aku tahu kenapa. jadi wat la pe yang kau rasa betul untuk tempat kau. untuk kita.

dan aku da pecahkan janji yang aku wat 3 tahun lepas dalam diri aku, dan aku tak tahu pe yang aku perlu lakukan sekarang. yang pasti dia takkan tggu aku. aku dah terlalu masak dengan perangai dia.

so, aku mengubah haluan aku dan perancangan hidup aku. harap2 aku dapat capai pe yang aku impi kan. Insya-Allah.. :)

Musim Kawen Lagi

seorang lagi kawan aku akan berkahwin selepas raya nanti. satu persatu kawan aku kawen. aku gembira dengan mereka tapi sedey jugaklah kan.. sebab aku je yang tak kawen lagi.

pe yang aku rasa sekarang? rse insecure. rasa kurang selamat. sekurang-kurangnya dulu aku de kawan untuk becerita. tapi kalo da kawen, bagi aku bile orang da kawen mereka akan berubah. mereka akan de masalah baru, dan aku tak mahu becerita tentang masalah aku dengan dia.

sorang lagi kawan baik aku pon da nak kawen. mereka sedang merancang. aku doakan mereka akan kawen cepat. insya-Allah..

sorang pas sorang g kawen.. dan tinggal la nanti aku sorang je.pe cerita aku? secara jujurnya, aku pun tak tahu. hanya berdoa ngan Allah s.w.t semoga dia akan membawa aku ke jalan yang terbaik, untuk diri aku. :)