Need to sleep

i just arrived at shah alam. quite tired, and i got fever right now. none of my assignment is finish yet, and i got a huge problem back there in JB. i was crying non-stop last night and i couldn't sleep. when i play the ayat-ayat al-Qur'an, then i became relief a bit.

i want to finish this course as soon as i can, and i want to sleep. hopefully, everything will be just fine when i wake up.

Eminem - Mockingbird

 "Mockingbird"

Yeah I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now
But hey, what daddy always tell you?
Straighten up little soldier
Stiffen up that upper lip
What you crying about?

You got me Hailie I know you miss your mom and I know you miss your dad
Well I'm gone but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
Cause you're scared, I ain't there?
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more crying, wipe them tears
Daddy's here, no more nightmares
We gon' pull together through it, we gon' do it
 Laney uncles crazy, ain't he? Yeah but he loves you girl and you better know it
We're all we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Lookin' puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusing you
Daddy's always on the move, mamma's always on the news
I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems
The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me
All the things growing up his daddy that he had to see
Daddy don't want you to see but you see just as much as he did
We did not plan it to be this way, your mother and me
But things have gotten so bad between us
 I don't see us ever being together ever again
Like we used to be when we were teenagers
But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream

[Chorus]

Now hush little baby, don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that upper lip up little lady, I told ya
Daddy's here to hold ya through the night
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why
We fear how we feel inside
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby
But I promise momma's gon' be alright

It's funny I remember back one year when daddy had no money
Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me
Cause daddy couldn't buy 'em I'll never forget that Christmas
I sat up the whole night crying
Cause daddy felt like a bum, see daddy had a job
But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom
And at the time every house that we lived in
Either kept getting broken into and robbed
Or shot up on the block and your mom was saving money for you in a jar
Tryna start a piggy bank for you so you could go to college
Almost had a thousand dollars til someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad it broke your momma's heart
And it seemed like everything was just startin' to fall apart
Mom and dad was arguin' a lot so momma moved back
On the Chalmers in the flat one bedroom apartment
And dad moved back to the other side of 8 Mile on
Novara And that's when daddy went to California with his CD and met Dr. Dre
And flew you and momma out to see me
But daddy had to work, you and momma had to leave me
Then you started seeing daddy on the T.V. and momma didn't like it
And you and Laney were to young to understand it
Papa was a rollin' stone, momma developed a habit
And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it
I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand
Cause all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud
Now I'm sitting in this empty house, just reminiscing
Lookin' at your baby pictures, it just trips me out
To see how much you both have grown, it's almost like you're sisters now

Wow, guess you pretty much are and daddy's still here
Laney I'm talkin' to you too, daddy's still here
I like the sound of that, yeah It's got a ring to it don't it?
Shh, momma's only gone for the moment

 [Chorus]


 And if you ask me too
Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'mma give you the world
I'mma buy a diamond ring for you
I'mma sing for you I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'mma break that birdies neck
 I'll go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya

And make him eat every carat don't fuck with dad (haha)

Pembetulan

lagi seminggu nak balek JB. aku tengah berkira2 nak balek awal, atau pon stick ngan rancangan. dua2 berikan aku advantage, tp x tau mana satu yang aku lebih suka nak wat.

cam2 masala timbul, dan aku semakin hari semakin takot ngan mase depan aku. dan aku x de sesape untuk meluahkan perasaan ni. de beberapa orang yang aku rapat sekarang, tapi boleh di katakan cam msalah aku ni tak terluah kepada sesapa. aku lebih suka untuk memendam sendiri.

pe yang aku x ske ngan diri aku, aku senang mengalah bile kene push. tetapi kalo asek2 kene push, aku akan mantul balek. tp aku tak nak bende cam tu jadi, dan aku tak tahu cam ne nak elak kan bende2 ni jadi. sebab tu aku prefer untuk mendiamkan diri sekarang ni.

banyak bende yang mahu diperkatakan, banyak juga hati yang perlu di jaga. adakah aku hipokrit? panggil la aku hipokrit jika itu yang boleh membuatkan ko puas hati. tapi bagi aku, aku cuba untuk wat bende yang betol di sini.

Kes Norita Samsudin (2003)

KUALA LUMPUR 11 Mei - Seorang saksi menafikan di Mahkamah Tinggi hari ini bahawa dia sengaja mereka cerita melihat tertuduh, Hanif Basree Abdul Rahman bersama Noritta Samsudin, setengah jam sebelum peragawati sambilan itu ditemui mati bagi mengelakkan dirinya daripada didakwa sebagai pembunuh.
Suzaki Supok, 24, pengawal keselamatan di Kondominium Puncak Prima Galleria berkata, dia tidak bersetuju dengan apa yang dikatakan oleh peguam V. Sithambaram bahawa dia cuba `mencari jalan keluar' dengan menimbulkan perkara itu.

Suzaki juga menafikan bahawa dia ditahan reman selama tiga hari mulai 18 Disember tahun lalu kerana merupakan salah seorang daripada suspek kes pembunuhan tersebut.
Saksi pendakwa ke-10 itu memberitahu bahawa apa yang dilihat pada pukul 1 pagi, 5 Disember tahun lalu adalah benar dan bukan dibantu oleh pegawai penyiasat, Asisten Supritendan Shahrul Lalli Masduki untuk menimbulkannya.

Bagaimanapun, katanya, dia mengakui tidak memberitahu perkara itu kepada pihak polis sejurus selepas mayat Noritta ditemui kerana fikirannya bercelaru. Menurutnya, dia hanya mengingati perkara itu sehari sebelum dia ditahan reman walaupun dia telah memberi keterangan kepada pihak polis pada hari kejadian.
Suzaki berkata demikian ketika pemeriksaan balas oleh Sithambaram pada hari keempat perbicaraan terhadap Hanif Basree, jurutera Majlis Bandaraya Shah Alam yang didakwa membunuh Noritta.
Semalam saksi itu menyatakan bahawa dia nampak Hanif Basree dan Noritta lalu di hadapan pondok pengawal untuk bertemu dengan rakan mereka di hadapan kondominium itu pada pukul 1 pagi, 5 Disember tahun lalu, iaitu kira-kira setengah jam sebelum Allahyarham dipercayai mati.

Hanif Basree, 36, didakwa membunuh Noritta, 22, di antara pukul 1.30 pagi dan 4 pagi, 5 Disember tahun lalu di No. D-7-1, Kondominium Puncak Prima Galleria, Jalan 17, Sri Hartamas di sini.

                                                                    ********************

de berlambak lagi la kan cerita norita samsudin ni. de dapat kronologi kes arwah norita, tapi malas nak paste kat sini.

sebenar nye aku nak cerita la kan tentang kematian arwah ni. bukan nak mengaibkan, bukan nak menakut-nakutkan sesetengah pihak. ni sebagai pengajaran dan pembelajaran untuk kita di hari ni, tentang orang kite.

de orang cakap arwah meninggal dunia kerana di bunuh, de gak cakap arwah over dose. tapi bagi aku, dan sesetengah orang mungkin da boleh agak sebena nye arwah mati kenapa. jawapan itu turut merungkai mengapa saspek utama, Hanif basree terlepas.

mula-mula arwah di temui, tangan dan kaki di ikat dengan wayar, leher pon di ikat mengguna kan wayar, dan mulut arwah di sumbat dengan kain. seingat aku kain tu..sarung bantal, tapi aku x pasti.

untuk peminat seks, boleh di katakan arwah mati oleh kerana seks bondage. dengar mungkin seperti tak boleh di terima akal, tetapi itulah jawapan yang sangat-sangat masuk akal untuk kes arwah. kepada sesiapa yang tidak tahu apa itu seks bondage, boleh google. kepada sesape yang tahu, boleh fikir2kan.

boleh di katakan, arwah melakukan group sex, dengan lelaki yang mungkin ramai dan di ikat. group seks membuktikan mengapa air mani dalam rahim sangat banyak, dan terdapat banyak dna dr lelaki berbeza. boleh di katakan, arwah mempunyai nafsu yang sangat tinggi, sehingga perlu untuk menjerut leher nya walaupon tangan dan kaki telah di ikat.

penjelasan ini menunjukkan mengapa hanif basree terlepas. bukan kerana bukti tidak cukup. tetapi hanif berada di situ sebagai sex partner, dan die cuba memuaskan nasfu arwah. tenaga lelaki sangat kuat, dan waktu tengah sedap2 tu..mungkin hanif menjerut ngan kuat, dan akhir nye arwah meninggal dunia cam tu je.

ni sekadar assumption seseorang yang aku kenali. sesapa boleh terima, dan sesapa boleh tolak. aku tak memaksa dan tak menggalakkan sesape untuk percaya. aku bercakap berdasarkan bukti yang di jumpai. bagi die, die terkejut, bagi aku, aku tak terkejut langsung. memang sex bondage da lama bertapak kat malaysia. gay pon da berlambak, ini kan sex macam ni. so, terpulanglah untuk percaya @ tidak. wallahu'alam...

Re-open

Supposedly, i should shut down this blog, but i realiz that this is the reason i still alive. i can write anything here about what i think. i can say that, since i shut down this blog, i was half dead. i mean, half of my life is written here. it's quite hard for me to let this blog go.

anyway, new semester begun. new challenges i need to get through. finally i can take forensic's subject. until today, i can't believe i'm studying forensics. it does open a new world to me, about forensic.

the challenge getting tougher and tougher. being alone in the house, and alone in the campus.. sometimes, it's nearly kill me. i have bf, but he seldom be there to me. i don't know whether he is my bf or not. so, i am..really lonely.

what makes me alive until today is my best friend. without her, i don't think i can make this. even she ask me to stay with her. but, there are certain circumstances that makes me can't stay with her.

i want to be like her; she is strong, and stable. me..her best friend is completely opposite her. donno how to be just like her.