aku da sampai jb selama hampir seminggu kot. dan aku rasa sangat2 gembire. tapi maybe minggu depan aku kene balek shah alam balek sebab nak settle kan projek akhir tahun aku.
everything is fine now. aku rasa aku da wat yang terbaik waktu exam ari tu, so aku just berharap je sekarang ni yang aku akan lepas sume nye. tal larat da nak me-repeat pape lagi da.
kes adek aku da lama selesai, tapi aku leh nampak kes tu bagi impak mendalam bagi diri die. sama gak ngan aku. de orang cakap ngan aku, biar la orang lain nak wat jahat. ko minat ngan keje tu, ko keje je la. jangan join. skarang ramai gile orang jahat. kalo fikir cam tu, kesudah ko nak cari keje yg betul2 suit ngan diri ko.
mmg betol..pe yang die cakap. aku memang minat. sebab tu aku amik kos ni. tapi bile jadi kat adek aku, aku rasa sistem tu sendiri bermasalah. bile sistem tu sendiri bermasalah, aku yang masuk skali akan turut bermasalah. lagipon, aku tak yakin aku akan enjoy ngan kerja tu walaupon aku pilih jalan tu.
Alhamdulillah, Allah tunjukkan jalan sebenar untuk aku dan masa depan aku. cuma aku terkilan, aku da wat projek berdasarkan jalan tu. aku tak pasti aku wat pilihan yang terbaik, tapi aku rasa ni la pilihan yang aku akan rasa gambire dan suma orang gembire.
dan sebenarnye aku baru pas tengok citer songlop. ntah ke berapa kali nye aku tengok citer tu. =P
dan walaupon da beberapa kali aku tengok, aku masih rasa sedey ngan citer tu. aku tak tau samade aku ni emosi sebab aku perempuan, or aku emosi sebab citer tu de kaitan dengan hidup aku. dua2 make sense, tapi tak tau mana satu yang mempengaruhi. or....., sesape yang fokus tengok citer tu, dan mendalami setiap watak, memang rasa semacam, seperti aku. ntah la.. aku tak tau la mana satu.
petang ni, insya-Allah aku akan belajar masak nasi briyani. hehehe. teruja sangat2.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
WTF???
aku selalu tertanya tanya, kalo betol bila hidup banyak gile cabaran dan dugaan, kite akan jadi lebih kuat. aku rasa hidup aku cukup mencabar, tapi bila aku mula mendedahkan diri aku, aku akan selalu menangis. aku tak tau la plak, menangis tu satu bentuk yang menunjukkan aku semakin kuat. pada pandangan aku, kalo sesape menangis, die maseh lagi lemah. dan sebab tu aku rasa aku maseh lemah.
aku tak faham nape kene nangis. kengkadang terfikir mungkin sebab aku ni pmpuan, so cam....senang untuk beremosi. kalo begitu, boleh tak kalo aku nak tuka jantina? aku tak suka bergantung hidup ngan orang lain, petah lagi nak menunjukkan kelemahan aku.
or mungkin sebab aku ni lain spesis dr orang lain. sampai kan perangai aku slalu orang salah anggap. ya, mungkin aku nampak cam tak amik berat. tapi tengok la blog ni. banyak bende aku membebel kat sini. aku faham de orang tak suke mendengar orang len membebel, sebab aku membebel kat sini. sebab yang bace pe yang aku tulis, adalah diri aku je pon. so, aku x menyusahkan sesape. tapi bile tak menyusahkan sesape, orang lain fikir aku ni ignorant, sebab tak amik kesah ngan orang lain.
duhhh.. ko yang cakap ko tak nak orang amik tau, dan bila aku wat pe yang ko nak, ko marah lak. wtf???
aku tak faham nape kene nangis. kengkadang terfikir mungkin sebab aku ni pmpuan, so cam....senang untuk beremosi. kalo begitu, boleh tak kalo aku nak tuka jantina? aku tak suka bergantung hidup ngan orang lain, petah lagi nak menunjukkan kelemahan aku.
or mungkin sebab aku ni lain spesis dr orang lain. sampai kan perangai aku slalu orang salah anggap. ya, mungkin aku nampak cam tak amik berat. tapi tengok la blog ni. banyak bende aku membebel kat sini. aku faham de orang tak suke mendengar orang len membebel, sebab aku membebel kat sini. sebab yang bace pe yang aku tulis, adalah diri aku je pon. so, aku x menyusahkan sesape. tapi bile tak menyusahkan sesape, orang lain fikir aku ni ignorant, sebab tak amik kesah ngan orang lain.
duhhh.. ko yang cakap ko tak nak orang amik tau, dan bila aku wat pe yang ko nak, ko marah lak. wtf???
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Linkin Park - LOST IN THE ECHO
finally Linkin Park is out with the new song. it's not just a new songs, but a kick ass song. it's almost the same as the songs they usually made 10 years ago.
i know i've been writing in this blog how i love RHCP, but then before i know all about RHCP, i was practically live with LP's songs. i think that time was the..pop era, which was hard for me to listened to any good songs, for me. then, suddenly, LP was out with "crawling" . it was beautiful. it was something different than the other music. you know how i love being different and i loved the song very very much. i know there wasn't any technology device, like computer (actually computer has already exist that time but it was way too expensive to buy) or smartphone to search the song, but i always always buy magazine and newspaper to get to know them. unlike RHCP, LP is more well accepted to the society because of it's huge impact of the songs which made all the newspapers and magazines wanted to write about them. so, it's easier to find their info.
the newspapers and magazines were chasing each other to gain popularity by giving the lyrics, and the info of the song and about the band themselves, which turned out to be a good news for me. my mom and my dad wasn't really approve me (their only daughter) listened to a harsh music since they think it will ruin my life (even though they didn't know i've already ruin). they afraid i became such a rebelled teenager because of the songs. but i convinced them the song will not affect me in any part of my life, as i was already rebel. so, they actually didn't really approve but they kept on watching me. that's sad part of my life.
still, i'm not here to talk about my past, but to talk about LP. to be honest, after the "breaking the habit" debut, i don't like the songs that they were make. like..."new divide", "iridescent", "leave all of the rest". i think those were sucks. but "lost in the echo" is really beautiful. i have a feeling they will get more fans this year because of this debute, and beat all the new crappy singers.
Linkin Park: i used to loved ya'll since i was 12 y/o, and i still do love ya'll and i will always love ya'll. keep up the good work. i can't wait for the album to come out. i'm gonna buy it. =)
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Past come bows at me
last night i studied at kfc. i usually study with my friend, in the library, but i think yesterday she wanted to rest a bit, so i went to study all by myself at the kfc.
i actually wear glasses. but i hate to wear it because it will make me look like a granny. so, i used to wear contact lens, but my contact lens is expired already. actually, it's been expired for a year, but the other day, i went to one of the best optical store, and the owner of the store explained to me how dangerous to wear an expired contact lens. so, i decided not to wear them anymore. and there is goes, i have to walk around with blurry eyesight.
it's not a big deal actually, since i don't usually look people around me. but, someone told me that, if i want to find someone, i need to see people around me. i doubt if i found someone, that person can accept me as i am. that's why i rejected most my ex bf all these times. when you know a damage girl and she is tooo damage nothing u can do except hope the best for her. i'm not even planning to get marry. not even i envy all my friends who many of them has their own family. i don't think i can be a good wife and a good mother. i may just screw up my family, by..i don't know, having an affair or ignore my children. it's enough for me to destroy myself. i don't want to destroy someone else's life.
i saw something that reminds me of my past. 2 occasions. but surprisingly i feel envy with them. first, i saw a couple made out in the car, and second, i saw a sugar daddy with his sugar babe. and few nights ago, there's a guy offer me to be his sugar babe. i didn't say anything; didn't refuse, nor agree. i know i can get easy money, and i won't be lonely anymore. i used to have all the attentions, and i felt good about myself for once in my life. but it was all for the wrong reason. they used me. and i don't like of being use. that's why i get out from there. but now, the offer is back, and the question is whether i want to be an attention whore, or be poor as hell. that's a tough decision as i do always have financial problem since i quit.
but i do know that i don't want to feel like i did the other day. thank god i didn't do drugs. if i did i'd suicide myself again.
i actually wear glasses. but i hate to wear it because it will make me look like a granny. so, i used to wear contact lens, but my contact lens is expired already. actually, it's been expired for a year, but the other day, i went to one of the best optical store, and the owner of the store explained to me how dangerous to wear an expired contact lens. so, i decided not to wear them anymore. and there is goes, i have to walk around with blurry eyesight.
it's not a big deal actually, since i don't usually look people around me. but, someone told me that, if i want to find someone, i need to see people around me. i doubt if i found someone, that person can accept me as i am. that's why i rejected most my ex bf all these times. when you know a damage girl and she is tooo damage nothing u can do except hope the best for her. i'm not even planning to get marry. not even i envy all my friends who many of them has their own family. i don't think i can be a good wife and a good mother. i may just screw up my family, by..i don't know, having an affair or ignore my children. it's enough for me to destroy myself. i don't want to destroy someone else's life.
i saw something that reminds me of my past. 2 occasions. but surprisingly i feel envy with them. first, i saw a couple made out in the car, and second, i saw a sugar daddy with his sugar babe. and few nights ago, there's a guy offer me to be his sugar babe. i didn't say anything; didn't refuse, nor agree. i know i can get easy money, and i won't be lonely anymore. i used to have all the attentions, and i felt good about myself for once in my life. but it was all for the wrong reason. they used me. and i don't like of being use. that's why i get out from there. but now, the offer is back, and the question is whether i want to be an attention whore, or be poor as hell. that's a tough decision as i do always have financial problem since i quit.
but i do know that i don't want to feel like i did the other day. thank god i didn't do drugs. if i did i'd suicide myself again.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
about life for me
i don't know about other people, but i'm not the one who likes to blame other. i prefer to find the solution for a problem. and maybe because i don't like to blame others, i tend to blame myself.
it's not been easy to get through you life when you blame yourself for everything. you'll always second guess yourself, but you know you have to make a decision. in life you always need to choose one, not both. i chose one, but i apparently, i do the opposite. i'm having the greatest part of my life, and i have to re-think whether to let it go or just go with the flow.
ugghhh...this is suck. i'm in final exam and because of my stupidity, i think about my problem. that's one thing. and share it with other people is another stupidity.
sorry, i'm a complicated life and i'm a complicated girl. it's complicated to be explain and i don't expect you to understand everything. there's no need to be understand actually, because there's nothing to be understand. although you meet a strange stranger, life goes on.
what you really want to know is whether life has a deeper meaning. so find it you have to go the basic of life. there's no shortcuts in life. to be success, there's a hell long way to go.
it's not been easy to get through you life when you blame yourself for everything. you'll always second guess yourself, but you know you have to make a decision. in life you always need to choose one, not both. i chose one, but i apparently, i do the opposite. i'm having the greatest part of my life, and i have to re-think whether to let it go or just go with the flow.
ugghhh...this is suck. i'm in final exam and because of my stupidity, i think about my problem. that's one thing. and share it with other people is another stupidity.
sorry, i'm a complicated life and i'm a complicated girl. it's complicated to be explain and i don't expect you to understand everything. there's no need to be understand actually, because there's nothing to be understand. although you meet a strange stranger, life goes on.
what you really want to know is whether life has a deeper meaning. so find it you have to go the basic of life. there's no shortcuts in life. to be success, there's a hell long way to go.
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