Getting out from hell hole

i was watching indonesian tv program this evening, don't really remember what was the tittle. but it was about the homosexual guy.

it was about the guy had a strange dream of dying from HIV. he was scare if the dream might come true. so, he tried to find way out. he went to his..relatives house and notice they have cute and handsome son. so, he was like..turn on?? jatuh hati?? sort of la. the boy told him he wants to further his study in jakarta but the fees must be expensive, and the gay guy offered to pay all the expenses, and the boy can lived with him too.

so, one night..i think he was..horny, or..turn on..or something, so he went to the boy's room, he wanted to hit it. but the boy was praying, and he felt so sacred. and after the boy finish solah, he asked the boy to help him, and he-the boy, does.

the boy asked him to get marry. and they try to find perfect woman and they married. the drama went into have ending life.

i know some people hate indonesian telemovie, or drama series, but i think the one i watched this evening was..good la.

but of course..it was just a a drama. the reality is worse than that. i've seen alot of gays and lesbians trapped into their world, and don't get a chance to turn back. some of then lost in their world, others started to realize how fake is their world and tried to turn back. some of them managed to turn back, others..just died because of STD.

i'm not opposing human right to love anyone that they want, but..maybe we need to face the reality. reality is..we are born as girls and boys. and we can't change that. maybe we'll have tendency to fond other person that have same gender like us, but..i think we can easily cast it away.

ok, let's go to the thing that i actually want to write. in the drama,it seemed that the gay guy can get it over to esily. i doubt it in reality. memang la.. untuk berubah secara fizikalli...memang senang, tapi untuk berubah mentally, a bit susah..untuk aku la. i mean, the temptation is always there, and cam aku kene kuat kan semangat. cam betol kan niat, and everything. or else, i'll fall back.

one of my friend asked me to get marry. and of course i don't want to..for now, because i am stil studying, and of course my parents won't let me t get marry. i wonder why he asked me to get married. but when i watched the drama, i knew why. by marrying, it will stop a bit the temptation, and we'll get guide and someone to hold us.

but of course..we need to find someone who strong enough and patient enough to be with us. i don't think i already find that one. i don't even think anyone will wants me. well, at least with good intention. there are many guys wants me because of bad intention, and i don't need that one.

it's weird when you already get marry and still chatting with other girls. i know you want some companies, but better you texting massage with your wifey than other girls. i mean, if you still want to chat with other girls, why do you get marry at first place? marriage is a commitment to one person, and one only. but if you still acting like you are not married, gosh..better divorce your wifey.