i think, most of my thought and attitude is because of my past. it changes how i see the world. indirectly, it makes me mature earlier than i should be. i always wanted to write about my past and how it affected me, but by having a blog that makes me unable to talk about it, the feeling just...gone.
in this few weeks, there are alot of things happen. how things get worst; my family and him, and how i handle myself. and next week the final exam result will be publish at the student protal.
to tell the truth, i am super nervous when i think about it. i guess, i think most about it today. about what will happen if i can't get through the last semester subjects, and about my friends whose will going to be graduated this year.
last week, i followed my father's best friend's son engagement ceremony and as usual, my relatives will ask me about two things that i can't escape; first, when will i be graduate and second, when will i get marry.
i don't really worry about the question of getting married. but the question about graduate is the scariest of all.
i feel like, i want to do this. i mean, i love this course. i want to take this course since i was 17 years old. it's not about being famous or anything, but...i like about investigating and help the ones that need help. maybe it's also because of my past and i want to help people. but having poor result, really kills me.
i think alot about my mother and the other people that excel with their study and i keep on asking myself, why they can do that and why i can't? i tried to study like them but i guess it's not enough. i guess they are more brilliant than i am so i need to study more like them. about twice more.
next week my result will be publish. i don't know what to think. i want to pass, at least pass. i don't ask for more but if i fail, guess i have to accept that.
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