A life of a hooker

i was just watching CSI Las vegas, season 10. watched the episode where the ray langston searched for the young lady, madline briggs. in that episode, briggs is a hooker around las vegas. it was actually from CSI New York episode where a mother tell her worries to the surgeon in the story. i don't really remember what was his name.

anyway..., eventually, ray langston found her. she said, "who will accept me after what happened?".

i guess, i know how she felt. some young girl in our community, most probably from average level @ poor, mostly become hooker because, sometimes they don't get they wanted. mostly because their parents can't provide that thing. i heard one of my client said to me once, there was a young girl, become a hooker because she wanted a hand-phone. her mother was a single mother, so she didn't want to burden her. so, she find alternative to find money in easy way.

and there was another story, where a girl become a hooker because her life was so poor, her mother can't even give her money. so, she tell her mother that she wanted to work part-time. and her mother said yes. and of course her mother never knows what kind of job her daughter was into. now she become a professional hooker in kuala lumpur. it was sad actually.

what become more sad is, some of us just want to collect money of certain amount, and wanted to get out from there. 70% of us don't managed to get out. 50% of it don't want to get out from there because of the fun, and the luxury, and the money of course. another 50% don't want to get out of there because of ashamed.

i once had a thought, i don't want to quit, want to spent my life in kuantan, live as a hooker for the rest of my life. it was not just because of the money, and the luxury but it was because of the shame to face my family. i thought i was a bad daughter. actually, i did.

seringkali kami dilabel macam2, dipanggil ngan panggilan macam2, sesetengah orang cume pandang keburukan yang kami lakukan, dan bukan memandang keburukan yang berlaku pada diri kami. x pernakah ade orang terfikir, kami sendiri didera, being abused, physically and mentally? penderaan yang ayah2 ayam bagi tu, penderaan fizikalli, dan mentalli adalah penderaan terhadap diri sendiri.




some of us just give up, "what the hell, no one will accept me, i am a hooker, i always was and i always will be."

some of us end up suicide ourselves. others try to find a way out, just like me. just like ray langston said, "what you need to do is just walk out the door".

but, we always worried, "am i will be accept by our community? if i tell them, who i really was, will they accept me?"

i am still think about the same question until today, because i don't know the answer.