Friday, September 6, 2013

Blames on me

How long, how long will I slide? Separate my side
I don't believe it's bad, Slit my throat, it's all I ever

I heard your voice through a photograph, I thought it up, it brought up the past
Once you know you can never go back, I've got to take it on the otherside

Centuries are what it meant to me, A cemetery where I marry the sea
Stranger things could never change my mind
I've got to take it on the otherside

Pour my life into a paper cup, The ashtray's full and I'm spillin' my guts
She wants to know am I still a slut, I've got to take it on the otherside

Scarlet starlet and she's in my bed, A candidate for my soul mate bled
Push the trigger and pull the thread, I've got to take it on the otherside
Take it on the otherside, Take it on, take it on

Turn me on, take me for a hard ride, Burn me out, leave me on the otherside
I yell and tell it that it's not my friend, I tear it down, I tear it down
And then it's born again
                                                                                                    Anthony Kiedis, Otherside

i don't know what is it me and rock songs. i've been listening to them since i was 13 years old. maybe it's because i used to be rebel and rock genre really suited my soul. after all, that's what rock genre is about. at least most of them. i used to slammed my door and increased the volume of my radio to the highest volume when i faught with my mom. i always think when i listen to them, i can cool myself down. and it works for years.

i am very complicated person. i used to fought with my bf and i listened to rock songs, watched movies and played condition zero at the same time. i did it so that my brain wouldn't think about things i didn't want think about. but, it wasn't really enough because i was really really disturb that time.

this is the song that have the biggest influence in my life. 99.99% of the lyric is about my life. i always want to cry when i listen to this song. it's about choosing what's right and leave the wrong things in your life. even though you really really like that bad thing.

it's kinda funny for me that it's really easy to do something wrong. just like open a door and you just get in. but it's really really hard to do something good. i need to find keys of doors that i want to get in. and of course i end-up do something easy and when the guilt comes, i'd stop it. and when i want to, i do it again. again. and again. and i'm tired to be like this.

and when this virgin young girl came, she reminded me of my promise of not allow any girls to have the same experience as i have. that's why i never introduce my friends to any guys i found on net. too bad i already did it. and that's the guilt came in and i started to hate myself. i was crying all night last night thinking what have i done. i shouldn't have done that. i felt like i ruin her life.

she's young and excited with her environment. of course she wants to try everything. and when she likes it she does it again and again. until one day, the regrets come. that time she'd blame me. it's okay if she wants to but i'm afraid if she would destruct herself too. just like i do.

i'm sorry for what i did. i know i really want it but not from you. hope you can be a normal girl and success in everything you do. good luck.

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