Fear

everyone wish they can do whatever they want to do. maybe they want to jump from cliff, or even fly in the sky. some want just do the right thing, go the right track, others just loose in their way and go to the dark side. we feel and almost believe that, that who we are, what we want to do and how we want to be in this life. if it doesn't corrupt your soul, you'll be just fine. but if it does, you won't know what to do. most of us want to stay like that forever, because we can do want we want to, but we don't like how it burns your soul.

some of us who have the guts will u-turn  the ride and get back to the right way. others just too scare to get away. they scared with what's waiting for them ahead. or maybe they think they aren't strong enough to deal with it. they just wish thing will be just fine on their own. maybe some miracle would happen. but what frequently happen is, they dying slowly from inside out. then we realize that it's too late to change things.

the really sad thing is we can't accept or admit things that we like are bad things. we enjoyed what we do. we had fun. we were happy. but the happiness suddenly turned to be the scariest monster live within us. that's where the pain comes. it's not fun anymore. we aren't happy at all. a little too soon, we realize we've dependent on it. like we're going to die if we leave. and finally we come to the cross road; whether to leave or stay.

it's not been easy to face something that we think we can't face. little of us who has the courage face the fear fiercely  but most of us use detour to get away with it.

we wish we can just stay with it, so we can stay away from reality. but the truth is we can never run away with anything. we have to face our fear one way or another. that way we can be a better person.

Final exam dan bala malapertaka

aku rasa ni la kali pertama aku lama gile tak update blog aku. aku de masalah ngan berukban aku, dan sebuk ngan fyp aku. da sekarang tinggal lagi sebulan sebelom final exam.

pe yang best nye, aku tak siap lagi pon fyp aku. ironi nye, aku lah antara yang terawal run fyp aku. orang len da siap, aku lak terkial2 nak betulkan  sample prep aku.

aku sekarang da 24 tahun. tahun depan insya-Allah aku grad, umur aku 25 tahun. lom tentu dapat keje dan lom tentu aku leh dapat keje yang baik.

pe yang tak best skrg, aku betul2 berada pada titik paling bawah skali dlm hidup aku; test berlambak, de masalah ngan fyp, de masalah ngan member, de masalah ngan lelaki dalam hidup aku.

bile da fikir semalaman, aku tak tahu nak panggil die pe. dari mulut meng-iyakan aku makwe die, tapi dari cara dan perbuatan, aku tak rasa aku berada di tahap tu.

aku cam rasa, bile2 mse aku akan give up ngan die. dl aku fikir die match aku, skrg ni... hari ni..., aku tak rasa aku match die. just aku sesuai jadi kawan dalam hidup die.

Castle of Glass

linkin park does it again.

they do this video clip of their song about the war going on the world, which is involve with the US army.

they didn't approach the way people always use. like trying to give the awareness by showing the situation or condition of the Afghanistan's refugees of how they have a traumatic occasion or the effect of the war to them.

instead, they show the effect of the war to the family of the armies themselves by having news of the father who died in the war, they would break any kids heart. i mean like, they were somebody's father, or brother, uncle or even nephew. i mean like, they must have family that will always waiting for them.

the war doesn't show only one side effect. it shows both. i bet like, maybe not all Americans are fans of Muslims or even can accept Muslims in their society, but i can bet not all people can accept war.

so, linkin park show the effect on US army's family effect.

i think they did it with the song of "from the inside", and mike shinoda did the scene of war-effect-on-us army's family in the song of "where'd you go". just i think this is like on-going on awareness of how war bad to the world. i guess, that's the least they can do in a way to stop it, or even to send the message.

the song is really good. good job.

they make use the song for medal of honor's official song, so.. i would like to play the game. :P

Stress gile

minggu ni... sangat2 stress. ari isnin je de 2 test, di ikuti test pada pagi selasa. aku rase cam nak menjerit je. da la projek aku tergendala dan aku cam risau gile kalo2 aku x leh nak teruskan projek aku. or paling teruk aku kene tuka tajuk. 

aku da abes kan masa dan wang ringgit yang sangat banyak kat projek aku sekarang ni. aku x mampu lagi untuk tuka tajuk. dan duit ptptn aku da abes sekarang. kengkadang aku cam nak give up ngan projek aku sekarang ni sebab tak menunjukkan apa2 progresif pon.

tu...satu hal. satu hal lagi study aku. smlm test spectro dan aku blank dan aku rasa aku merapu banyak dalam test tu. aku cam rasa marah gile kat diri aku sebab aku tak leh perform. ni baru test pertama. test bukan makin senang, makin susah de la. aku tak nak cakap perkataan tu... dan aku arap2 sangat aku tak kene ngan perkataan tu. 

tolonglah sem ni...aku nak lepas sume. amin...

Shaky

so today is saturday finally. finally i can breathe. since last week, my schedule is full with my university's program and my project program. one of my friend is going to practical next semester and she get practical at the petronas. she was soo happy and she still did. well, im happy for her. just wondering will i ever get a place for practical?

my life is to be honest is okay. just busy with my final year project. my personal life.. i don't know. maybe it's a bit shaky because we both busy with our own stuff and don't have time to talk with each other.
i;m a bit sad because he is the only person i talk about everything but i don't anyone to talk with now. it makes me feel to just go back to JB.

being in the final year, and desperately need to improve my pointer with having a perfectionist supervisor and a high expectation from my family, sometimes i just want to sit in the corner and cry. i can't do all of those things. i'm not perfect. never been perfect since i was a child.

my boyfriend keeps constantly support me to do the all those thing, just do the best i can do. no need to be as perfect as people want me to. yeah, he's sweet. but i'm not sure how long we can get together. i mean like we've been together for 3 years but he still feels that he's too young to think about marriage, whereas me... most of my friends is married already. so, i feel bad about it. all of them asked me when im going to marry. i don't have the answer. i'm not ready either. i;ve too many flaws to be someone's life accompany. just the environment is being pushy and i want to get out of this environment.

the funny thing is, people always said that i look happy. i always wanted to laugh with that statement. gosh, what will they think if they know what i always feel?

Back-stabber

at a point of life, you have to be certain about what is your plan, what are you going to do, or even what are do you want to say. sometimes, it's easier to think than to accomplish that goals. the next thing is you aren't certain what to believe, even to yourself.

then you'll find everything seems too blurry and hope someone can guides you. or even to hold on something, so you won't fall. if you lucky, you'll hold on something which bring good impact on you, and vice versa.

sometimes, when things are so hard and you think you can't find anything to help you to get up, you tend to push the weakest to the ground which makes you seem to be the among of the toughest. still, deep inside you know you aren't so tough, just being trickery and manipulative.

but in the end it doesn't even matter for you. what's important, you've survived.

that's the description about my housemates.well, most of them. sometimes it's divine to help our friends but you are fool if you do it for this kind of friend. i've known them since diploma and it's better to ignore them.

when you ignore them, they'll do anything to annoy you. but be remember to always sit still and calm. soon they notice that they just make a fool out of themselves, and they'll cuddle in shame in the end. then, you can always smile back at them and see what are their reactions.

mumble

hari ni aku sampai kat kampus balek. macam-macam rasa yang de dalam hati ni. gembire, sedey, takot dan cam2 lagi. aku masuk rumah baru sekarang ni. walaupon baru, tapi housemates aku sume member lama aku. so, x de la risau sgt. but then, rumah ni x se-okay macam umah lama aku. dan aku terase aku da wat langkah yang salah. cam segalanya2 susah skrg ni. aku arap segala2 nya akan jadi ok pada esok hari nya.