Dosa dan dugaan

semalam member aku bercerita la tentang perkahwenan dan ciri-ciri lelaki yang di idamkan. di sebabkan dunia sekarang serba serbi moden dan canggih, agak sukar nak cari lelaki yang betul2 sayang kn kite dan betul2 ikhlas mmengkahwini kite. aku sendiri x pasti lelaki cam tu masih wujud di muka bumi ni, atau hanya wujud dalam dunia fantasi semata-mata.

bila diorang cerita tentang lelaki yg da melakukan seks dengan perempuan lain, dan kengkadang dan berkahwin pon mampu wat seks ngan perempuan lain, diorg rasa cam lelaki tu tak berlaku adil terhadap pasangan dia sendiri.

aku faham... seryeli faham dengan pe yang mereka cuba sampaikan. dan aku pulak melihat kat diri aku. aku memang tak de sesiapa waktu tu, tapi aku jadi orang ketiga. bukan bercinta, tapi sekadar "teman" pabila memerlukan.

dan secara jujurnya, aku perna rasa cara tu takde salahnya sebab aku buat untuk fun dan untuk duit. aku x masuk campur kehidupan mereka anak beranak, dan tak amik tahu hal lelaki tu. tapi, satu hari aku ter-tahu hal rumahtangga lelaki tu sendiri.

memang aku rasa bukan salah aku, tapi aku rasa cam aku turut bersubahat menipu isteri orang tu, walhal aku tak kenal x cinta, tak suka langsung ngan lelaki tu. dan satu hari, aku fikir..., pe yang aku wat hari ni, akan backfired kat aku ke satu hari nanti?

dan jawapan mudahnya, ya.

cam ne ea nak cakap.. aku rasa aku tak layak kene balek pe yang aku da wat. aku tak rasa aku wat salah, aku tak rasa bende yang aku wat tu salah, walhal terang-terangan memang salah. even, kejadian hitam waktu aku kecik pon aku tak rasa aku salah.

bende yang salah tetap akan jadi salah, walau dalam apa pun keadaan. cuma..bende yang jadi waktu aku kecik..aku tahu memang de makna semuanya disebaliknya. cuma aku perlu menunggu dan menunggu.

kengkadang bile fikir dosa-dosa semalam aku, aku leh menangis sambil tersenyum. dan leh fikir aku tak layak langsung jadi isteri sesiapa dan oleh sebab tu, aku rasa tak nak langsung kawen.

disebabkan dosa-dosa semalam la aku rasa cam susah gile nak stadi even bende ni la bende yang aku nak sangat dalam hidup aku. even orang cakap aku cepat pick-up, tapi dalam final exam aku masih tak leh perform. kenapa? mesti de sebab tertentu aku jadi cam tu. da stadi berjam2, tak tido..tapi maseh tak boleh jawab. soklan terlalu susah? aku tak cukup ilmu untuk jawab?? entahlah..

demi Allah, aku cuba menahan diri aku berkali2 untuk jatuh. tapi kengkadnag jatuh gak. aku sendiri tak faham kenapa. salah cara? aku lalai? pembalasan ke ni? entahla.. aku maseh tak dapat jawab.

Britney, Avril and Amy Lee

when i was little, like in primary school, of course that time was the time where everyone would try to search about themselves, on how they wanted to be and usually they would try to find their idol, or so-call someone who they wanted to be.

when i was primary school, britney spears was on top. i mean like, she was everyone's idol including me. but, since i was always hanged up with boys, her personality didn't fit me.

then i searched again. and when i was secondary school, avril lavigne came out with her new single, "complicated". i didn't like her at that time, but when she came out with song "skater boy", i was like.. she was really cool! i wanted to be like her. (of course because of the influence of red hot chili peppers and linkin park since i was 12 years old). so, i remain to be like a tomboy-ish girl until after SPM. then, avril wasn't really like a tomboy at all because she started dating with whibley. i like whibley because i like sum 41. but..she suddenly became really feminine which was contradict with who she was and i was like... okay.. she was finally became feminine now because she was about to be someone's wifey and i was okay with that. but when she got divorced with whibley, i was like.. wtf??

then i noticed avril become completely girly with her girlie attitude, which almost the same as britney spears so i started hate her. surprisingly, when avril got divorced, i hate her more than i hate her ex-hubby. and to be honest, i still hate her until now. and to be honest, "my happy ending" was her last song i ever love. i don't like her songs after that.

but since the appearance of evanescence i got the idea of tomboy-ish without look like a tomboy at all, by being feminine outside but still being tomboy from the inside. and i keep that i idea until now. i really love amy lee. she is completely beautiful and her voice is alot better than avril.

but one thing for sure, i don't regret of making avril my idol once, instead i feel grateful which without her i won't be like this now. but i really really hope i won't be like a a gurlie bimbo like her. =P

but, if avril change back the way she used to be, i would gladly to accept her back.

Pasangan wanita merajuk? Apa yang perlu aku buat?

Tiba-tiba pasangan merajuk, pandai-pandailah mahu memujuk bukakan telinga,tajamkan pendengaran, amati suaranya teliti dengan hati yang berseni ada bukti atau toleransi rasional atau emosi?
andainya emosi,belailah emosi yang lelah, jangan cuba dihadapkan secara rasional, jangan di hujani dengan madah,kerana si dia tak akan terdaya mengunyah hujah,menggigit nisbah menggamit sedekah,mengatur langkah..

berilah walau seribu sebab lengkap dengan perangkaan statistik atau dokumen saintifik berserta dengan beberapa affidavit,dia tetap melulu kerana fikiran sudah berjerebu kerana hatinya lembut selembut salju sepagi embun berwajah ayu..

Dalam situasi ini,fikiran telah ditawan perasaan,sebaiknya,perhaluskan kata perindahkan bahasa, jinakkan perasaan hadiahkan senyuman, kuntumkan kelapangan..

Masih gagal beb? cuba gunakan sentuhan,semarakkan belaian,tingkatkan rangsangan

Masih gagal juga beb? Tunggu saja rajuknya reda,emosi wanita bagai riak-riak air dalam cawan, jangan digoncang membabi buta,buat selambaland saja,lambat laun, gelombang akan tenang, air dicawan akan kita minum juga.

Tapi awas!kalau ternyata, rajuknya berfakta, masamnya berdata, kelatnya bukan auta, geramnya berilmiah,marahnya ada prima facie,bengangnya berjeriji,ini rajuk taraf tertinggi, perlu ditangani berhati-hati, kerana wanita lembut hatinya bagai si bunga baiduri,durinya tajam boleh tercabut gigi.

kalau ternyata benar,apa salahnya kita terima mengaku lalu berjanji,mengalah demi seni,"Sayang, abang tak ulang lagi " katakan " Sayang....abang silap " ,bisikkan " Darling.. I lupa.." hulurkan tangan, pinta kemaafan,pendekatan kasanova, tapi hati suci,mengalah utk kepentingan peribadi, supaya perhubungan ikhlas yang telah lama di bina tidak runtuh begitu sahaja.

Rajuk wanita seperti mangga muda perisanya masam tetapi kalau kena cicahnya enak akan terasa. ingatlah,  api yang panas mampu dipadamkan oleh salji yang dingin. amarah itu mungkin mampu membeku, mencipta sebuah kristal yang indah. semoga berjaya.. (^__^)V

sumber: sini

Fear

everyone wish they can do whatever they want to do. maybe they want to jump from cliff, or even fly in the sky. some want just do the right thing, go the right track, others just loose in their way and go to the dark side. we feel and almost believe that, that who we are, what we want to do and how we want to be in this life. if it doesn't corrupt your soul, you'll be just fine. but if it does, you won't know what to do. most of us want to stay like that forever, because we can do want we want to, but we don't like how it burns your soul.

some of us who have the guts will u-turn  the ride and get back to the right way. others just too scare to get away. they scared with what's waiting for them ahead. or maybe they think they aren't strong enough to deal with it. they just wish thing will be just fine on their own. maybe some miracle would happen. but what frequently happen is, they dying slowly from inside out. then we realize that it's too late to change things.

the really sad thing is we can't accept or admit things that we like are bad things. we enjoyed what we do. we had fun. we were happy. but the happiness suddenly turned to be the scariest monster live within us. that's where the pain comes. it's not fun anymore. we aren't happy at all. a little too soon, we realize we've dependent on it. like we're going to die if we leave. and finally we come to the cross road; whether to leave or stay.

it's not been easy to face something that we think we can't face. little of us who has the courage face the fear fiercely  but most of us use detour to get away with it.

we wish we can just stay with it, so we can stay away from reality. but the truth is we can never run away with anything. we have to face our fear one way or another. that way we can be a better person.

Final exam dan bala malapertaka

aku rasa ni la kali pertama aku lama gile tak update blog aku. aku de masalah ngan berukban aku, dan sebuk ngan fyp aku. da sekarang tinggal lagi sebulan sebelom final exam.

pe yang best nye, aku tak siap lagi pon fyp aku. ironi nye, aku lah antara yang terawal run fyp aku. orang len da siap, aku lak terkial2 nak betulkan  sample prep aku.

aku sekarang da 24 tahun. tahun depan insya-Allah aku grad, umur aku 25 tahun. lom tentu dapat keje dan lom tentu aku leh dapat keje yang baik.

pe yang tak best skrg, aku betul2 berada pada titik paling bawah skali dlm hidup aku; test berlambak, de masalah ngan fyp, de masalah ngan member, de masalah ngan lelaki dalam hidup aku.

bile da fikir semalaman, aku tak tahu nak panggil die pe. dari mulut meng-iyakan aku makwe die, tapi dari cara dan perbuatan, aku tak rasa aku berada di tahap tu.

aku cam rasa, bile2 mse aku akan give up ngan die. dl aku fikir die match aku, skrg ni... hari ni..., aku tak rasa aku match die. just aku sesuai jadi kawan dalam hidup die.

Castle of Glass

linkin park does it again.

they do this video clip of their song about the war going on the world, which is involve with the US army.

they didn't approach the way people always use. like trying to give the awareness by showing the situation or condition of the Afghanistan's refugees of how they have a traumatic occasion or the effect of the war to them.

instead, they show the effect of the war to the family of the armies themselves by having news of the father who died in the war, they would break any kids heart. i mean like, they were somebody's father, or brother, uncle or even nephew. i mean like, they must have family that will always waiting for them.

the war doesn't show only one side effect. it shows both. i bet like, maybe not all Americans are fans of Muslims or even can accept Muslims in their society, but i can bet not all people can accept war.

so, linkin park show the effect on US army's family effect.

i think they did it with the song of "from the inside", and mike shinoda did the scene of war-effect-on-us army's family in the song of "where'd you go". just i think this is like on-going on awareness of how war bad to the world. i guess, that's the least they can do in a way to stop it, or even to send the message.

the song is really good. good job.

they make use the song for medal of honor's official song, so.. i would like to play the game. :P

Stress gile

minggu ni... sangat2 stress. ari isnin je de 2 test, di ikuti test pada pagi selasa. aku rase cam nak menjerit je. da la projek aku tergendala dan aku cam risau gile kalo2 aku x leh nak teruskan projek aku. or paling teruk aku kene tuka tajuk. 

aku da abes kan masa dan wang ringgit yang sangat banyak kat projek aku sekarang ni. aku x mampu lagi untuk tuka tajuk. dan duit ptptn aku da abes sekarang. kengkadang aku cam nak give up ngan projek aku sekarang ni sebab tak menunjukkan apa2 progresif pon.

tu...satu hal. satu hal lagi study aku. smlm test spectro dan aku blank dan aku rasa aku merapu banyak dalam test tu. aku cam rasa marah gile kat diri aku sebab aku tak leh perform. ni baru test pertama. test bukan makin senang, makin susah de la. aku tak nak cakap perkataan tu... dan aku arap2 sangat aku tak kene ngan perkataan tu. 

tolonglah sem ni...aku nak lepas sume. amin...