Tentang aku

secara jujurnya, aku memang nak tulis sesuatu. tapi aku tak tau nak mula kan dari mana. kite mula kan tentang idup aku kan jb ni skrg k?

2 3 ari JB panas. leh kering gak la kan walaupon duk kat dalam umah. lom lagi duk kat luar umah. tengah tunggu bile la JB nak ujan. cam da nak kemarau la plak.


malam tadi aku tetibe jadi emosional. aku tak tau sebena nye nape aku emosi, sebab ni bukan minggu aku nak period. bile fikir2 balek, rupe nye pasal ex aku tetibe send offline message kat YM aku. fikir die de masala ke pe, tpai bile call die cakap rindu dan ajak aku chat. aku tengah ngan bf aku waktu tu, dan ty die cam ne, dan die cakap ok je.

aku ty la ex aku nape cam ni. die cakap nak cam dulu. aku pon cam konfius. nak pe sbena nye ni? or ni taktik terbaru die ke, utk dapat kan sex dari aku? so, aku terpakse la berterus terang aku de someone spesel.

pe yg aku arap, die akan pergi dan segala2 nye akan ok. tapi, bf aku lak terase....aku fikir. aku tak tau la pe die fikir tentang diri aku. tapi aku mintak maaf sangat2 kalo die fikir die nak dapat seseorang yang spesel, yang de pe yang die nak, sebab aku hampir x de pe yang die nak.

aku takot nak give up pada die sebab da mula sayang, dan die selalu tarik aku balek bile aku give up pada diri die. tapi kalo die give up pada aku, aku x leh nak wat pe.

maaf kerana aku bukan yang terbaek untukmu, tapi jika aku diberi peluang, aku akan cube untuk jadi yang terbaek.

Sex crimes- Part 1

i think i've post many posts about sex education and the disease that people might get if they having sex with wrong person, or don't have a safe sex. i think that is not enough if i don't post about crimes related to sex. because i think this is important and i should post and to get to know about it.

there are several types of crimes that i'm going to discuss which are pedophile, child pornography, rape, sexual assault, date rape, incest and stalking.

i'm not going to discuss all of it in one post, since there are many things that we need to discuss in each crime. so, i'm going to post one crime at a time, so that it will be specific and more informatics.

first of all i'm going to discuss about pedophile.


PEDOPHILE



Definition:

The simplest definition for pedophile (or pedophilia) is an adult who is sexually attracted to children. more specific explaination is recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges or behaviors involving sexual activities with a prepubescent child.

The typical pedophile is unable to find satisfaction in an adult sexual relationship and may have low self-esteem, seeing sexual activity with a child as less threatening than that with an adult. Most pedophiles are men; the condition is rare in women. Frequently the sexual encounter stops short of intercourse, with the pedophile obtaining sexual gratification through fondling the child and sometimes through genital display alone.

Reactions of the child victim can range from fright, particularly if force or violence is involved, to bewilderment or passive enjoyment. Although some children seem more upset by previous parental warnings than by an actual encounter, the sexual encounter can often be quite traumatic to them, especially if there is associated violence. There is also evidence that children who have been sexually victimized are more likely to be troubled adults.


The underlying cause of pedophilia is unclear. Although biological abnormalities such as hormone imbalance may contribute to the disorder in some individuals, biological factors have not been proved as causes. In many cases pedophilic behaviour appears to be associated with sexual abuse or neglect experienced during childhood and with stunted emotional or psychological development.

Research also has indicated that boys who were sexually abused are more likely to become pedophiles or sex offenders. Girls who were sexually abused more frequently respond by engaging in self-destructive behaviours, such as substance abuse or prostitution.

Who can be a pedophile?

Pedophiles can be anyone -- old or young, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, non-professional or professional, and of any race. However, pedophiles often demonstrate similar characteristics, but these are merely indicators and it should not be assumed that individuals with these characteristics are pedophiles. But knowledge of these characteristics coupled with questionable behavior can be used as an alert that someone may be a pedophile.

Characteristics of a Pedophile :

• Often the pedophile is male and over 30 years of age.
• Single or with few friends in his age group.
• If married, the relationship is more "companion" based with no sexual relations.
• He is often vague about time gaps in employment which may indicate a loss in employment for questionable reasons or possible past incarceration.

Pedophiles Like Child-like Activities:

• He is often fascinated with children and child activities appearing to prefer those activities to adult oriented activities.
• He will often refer to children in pure or angelic terms using descriptives like innocent, heavenly, divine, pure, and other words that describe children but seem inappropriate and exaggerated.
• He has hobbies that are child-like such as collecting popular expensive toys, keeping reptiles or exotic pets, or building plane and car models.

Pedophiles Often Prefer Children Close to Puberty:

• Pedophiles often have a specific age of child they target. Some prefer younger children, some older.
• Often his environment or a special room will be decorated in child-like decor and will appeal to the age and sex of the child he is trying to entice.
• Many pedophiles often prefer children close to puberty who are sexually inexperienced, but curious about sex.

Pedophiles Work Around Children:

The pedophile will often be employed in a position that involves daily contact with children. If not employed, he will put himself in a position to do volunteer work with children, often in a supervisory capacity such as sports coaching, contact sport instruction, unsupervised tutoring or a position where he has the opportunity to spend unsupervised time with a child.

The Target Child:

The pedophile often seeks out shy, handicapped, and withdrawn children, or those who come from troubled homes or under privileged homes. He then showers them with attention, gifts, taunting them with trips to desirable places like amusement parks, zoo's, concerts, the beach and other such places.

Manipulation of the Innocent:

Pedophiles work to master their manipulative skills and often unleash them on troubled children by first becoming their friend, building the the child's self esteem. They may refer to the child as special or mature, appealing to their need to be heard and understood then entice them with adult type activities that are often sexual in content such as x-rated movies or pictures. They offer them alcohol or drugs to hamper their ability to resist activities or recall events that occurred.

Hubungan seks vs bersenam

Anda mungkin tidak mengetahui bahawa hubungan seks adalah satu senaman yang menyeluruh di mana semua otot badan berkerja dan metabolisme badan yang meningkat ketika melakukan hubungan seks akan melancarkan perjalanan darah dan meningkatkan degupan jantung, sama seperti ketika anda bersukan!

Kajian yang dilakukan oleh pakar perubatan moden menunjukkan aktiviti hubungan seks akan menggunakan tenaga dan kadar degupan jantung yang sama seperti yang digunakan oleh atlit pecut 100 meter.


Selain meningkatkan metabolisme, hubungan seks juga menggalakkan pengeluaran hormon Oxytocin dan Beta-Endorfin yang meransang syahwat sekaligus menyegarkan badan anda dan pasangan anda.

Tetapi janganlah hanya mengharapkan hubungan seks untuk menggantikan sepenuhnya aktiviti bersukan. Badan yang sihat dan tahap kesihatan yang baik akan menyerikan lagi hubungan seks anda dan pasangan anda.



Sama seperti bersukan, anda perlu berada pada tahap kesihatan yang optimum untuk mengecapi sepenuhnya nikmat hubungan seks.Jadi tingkatkanlah kesihatan fizikal dan mental anda mulai hari ini untuk mendapat kepuasan dan kenikmatan sepenuhnya ketika melakukan hubungan seks bersama pasangan anda.

*credit to: http://www.seks-melayu.info/petua-seks-melayu/hubungan-seks-dan-bersukan

A life of a hooker

i was just watching CSI Las vegas, season 10. watched the episode where the ray langston searched for the young lady, madline briggs. in that episode, briggs is a hooker around las vegas. it was actually from CSI New York episode where a mother tell her worries to the surgeon in the story. i don't really remember what was his name.

anyway..., eventually, ray langston found her. she said, "who will accept me after what happened?".

i guess, i know how she felt. some young girl in our community, most probably from average level @ poor, mostly become hooker because, sometimes they don't get they wanted. mostly because their parents can't provide that thing. i heard one of my client said to me once, there was a young girl, become a hooker because she wanted a hand-phone. her mother was a single mother, so she didn't want to burden her. so, she find alternative to find money in easy way.

and there was another story, where a girl become a hooker because her life was so poor, her mother can't even give her money. so, she tell her mother that she wanted to work part-time. and her mother said yes. and of course her mother never knows what kind of job her daughter was into. now she become a professional hooker in kuala lumpur. it was sad actually.

what become more sad is, some of us just want to collect money of certain amount, and wanted to get out from there. 70% of us don't managed to get out. 50% of it don't want to get out from there because of the fun, and the luxury, and the money of course. another 50% don't want to get out of there because of ashamed.

i once had a thought, i don't want to quit, want to spent my life in kuantan, live as a hooker for the rest of my life. it was not just because of the money, and the luxury but it was because of the shame to face my family. i thought i was a bad daughter. actually, i did.

seringkali kami dilabel macam2, dipanggil ngan panggilan macam2, sesetengah orang cume pandang keburukan yang kami lakukan, dan bukan memandang keburukan yang berlaku pada diri kami. x pernakah ade orang terfikir, kami sendiri didera, being abused, physically and mentally? penderaan yang ayah2 ayam bagi tu, penderaan fizikalli, dan mentalli adalah penderaan terhadap diri sendiri.




some of us just give up, "what the hell, no one will accept me, i am a hooker, i always was and i always will be."

some of us end up suicide ourselves. others try to find a way out, just like me. just like ray langston said, "what you need to do is just walk out the door".

but, we always worried, "am i will be accept by our community? if i tell them, who i really was, will they accept me?"

i am still think about the same question until today, because i don't know the answer.

Penerimaan diriku di hatinya

de orang bagitau aku, manusia sekarang lebih suke untuk menerima seseorang dalam hidup dia bukan berdasarkan masa silam nya.



gembire gak la kan dengar die cakap cam tu. sebab, mungkin aku terfikir, de lagi orang leh terima aku ngan seadanya.

tapi bukti terbaru, mengatakan mereka maseh menerima aku seperti mana aku dulu. maseh melayan aku seperti mana lelaki layan aku dahulu.

x de beza nya. x tau aku maseh de peluang untuk mencari seseorang isitmewa @ tidak di kehidupan ini. =)

Muhasabah diri untuk berjaya

kadangkala, pabila kita mahukan hidup kita untuk menjadi lebih baek, kita cenderung untuk memasang angan-angan yang melambung tinggi. ini adalah kerana kita sperti tidak mahu hari esok kita menjadi hari semalam. berharap segala2 nya kan menjadi lebih baek.

dan pabila hari esok tiba, dan keadaan tidak seperti apa yang kita mahukan, kita akan kecewa dan marah, dan tertanya2 di manakah silap nya. sesetengah orang cenderung untuk menyalahkan takdir, tetapi ada pula yang muhasabah diri, dan kembali mengatur idup nya. bagi orang tersebut, kegagalan sekali tidak bermakna gagal selama2 nya.

perlu di perhatikan, kejayaan orang2 ternama masa kini adalah dari sepuluh kegagalan malah lebih dari sepuluh kegagalan, dan kejayaan terakhir mereka itulah membawa kepada kepuasan diri yang tidak terhingga.

bagi aku, perlu untuk kita melihat dan menelek diri kita, sebelum melakukan perubahan.adakah kita cukup tabah untuk menghadapinya? apakah kita akan segara bangun jika dilanda badai suatu ketika nanti? apakah kita akan berputus asa kembali pabila semuanya kelihatan tidak menjadi? jika tidak, perlu untuk bersiap sedia dari sekarang, kerana untuk berjaya @ keluar dari tapuk lama kita tidak begitu mudah seperti orang lain sangkakan.

Returning to JB

it's been 4 days i've arrived in JB. quite relief actually. been away from my family for 2 months, it's nearly kills me. you know.. i'm not anak manja or something, tapi kalo da berada jauh dari famly, hampir 1000 km, it's quite..menakotkan aku. fuhhh..baru g arau da cam ni, kalo g luar negara ntah cam ne la aku rase.

pape pon, segala2 nya ok sekarang. result exam sem lepas pon da kuar, dan alhamdulillah result aku okay. x mencapai matlamat aku, tapi..kire okay, sebab subjek statistik aku lepas. sebab lecturer tu de masala ngan aku. ugghh.. menyampah kalo dapat lecturer yang bersikap berat sebelah ngan student ni. i mean, come on..ko nak banding kan student uitm ngan universiti len, sbb ko dari universiti len. dan ko rase student uitm bertuah sebab x de saingan, jangan jadi lecturer kat uitm ni. please..don't. de ramai lagi siswazah yang rela nak jadi lecturer yang x bias cam ko. ugghh..

stop citer pasal lecturer , and moving on to my life right now. duduk bercuti, maseh tengah period, kire ok la.. cume aku x tau pe aku nak wat selama 2 bulan ni. quite risau kalo2 berat badan aku akan naek sebab..yela kalo aku tinggal kat umah, memang susah nak control diet. so, i;m thinking of fasting.

insyaAllah..nanti tahun depan duit ptptn aku akan masuk, dan arap2 nye aku x de la nak hambur2 duit tu. aminn..

teringat lak tentang personal life aku. everything seems okay, for someone like me. aku fikir x de lelaki yang leh trime @ nak seryes ngan aku. tapi nampak nye de. terkejut gak la kan. so, i just..let things go on like it used to be. x nak berharap sangat, sebab takot aku akan terluka balek. so, sebab biar kan sume bende cam bese je.