pemegang ijazah

aku tak tahu la kenapa dengan diri aku, yang rasa aku tak sehebat mana yang orang lain fikirkan. yela, kalo nak bandingkan diri aku dengan kawan-kawan aku, aku rasa aku di tahap yang tercorot.

tapi bila aku toleh ke belakang balik, dan mengingati zaman-zaman spm dan selepas itu, ramai kawan-kawan aku yang kat sini tak dapat langsung pergi sejauh macam aku. mungkin aku bukan dean list tapi, aku di antara yang terbaik dari terbaik dari ladang.

sedar tak sedar aku dah nak abes degree dan akan masuk alam pekerjaan. cam2 aku rasa. rasa gembire sebab da nak kerja tapi pada masa yang sme, aku takut aku tak leh menyesuaikan diri dalam alam pekerjaan. ramai member2 aku cakap alam pekerjaan banyak politik dalaman dan isu2 yang susah nak dipercakapkan. aku just dengar dan simpan je la data tu. 

2 3 bulan ni aku memang malas gile nak menulis kat sini. idea mmg sangat banyak, tapi tau la nape aku tak leh nak menulis. status fb aku pon aku malas nak update. komen2 kat 9gag je berlambak. sebab malas? mungkin.. mungkin kot.. :P

Perspektif yang berbeza

seminggu aku berjalan dari selatan ke utara. banyak tempat dapat aku lalui dan banyak ragam orang aku pelajari. seminggu rasa cam sekejap tadi pelajaran yang aku dapat, rasanya berguna untuk selama-lamanya.

kengkadang aku rasa mereka nak menegakkan sesuatu yg betul, tetapi bende yang betul tu bila membawa keburukan membuatkan seseorang tu terpaksa membuat pilihan untuk memilih jalan yg kelihatan salah. tapi sebenarnya dari satu pandangan lain, ianya memberi keuntungan yang sama pada mereka.

cara tu tak semudah seperti caraku, tapi cara itu cara yang betul. dan itulah yang paling penting. jika itu cara kau untuk menjaga hak kita, aku halalkan. aku tak menghalang, dan tak mengajak. aku cuma mahu tahu kenapa dan sekarang aku tahu kenapa. jadi wat la pe yang kau rasa betul untuk tempat kau. untuk kita.

dan aku da pecahkan janji yang aku wat 3 tahun lepas dalam diri aku, dan aku tak tahu pe yang aku perlu lakukan sekarang. yang pasti dia takkan tggu aku. aku dah terlalu masak dengan perangai dia.

so, aku mengubah haluan aku dan perancangan hidup aku. harap2 aku dapat capai pe yang aku impi kan. Insya-Allah.. :)

Musim Kawen Lagi

seorang lagi kawan aku akan berkahwin selepas raya nanti. satu persatu kawan aku kawen. aku gembira dengan mereka tapi sedey jugaklah kan.. sebab aku je yang tak kawen lagi.

pe yang aku rasa sekarang? rse insecure. rasa kurang selamat. sekurang-kurangnya dulu aku de kawan untuk becerita. tapi kalo da kawen, bagi aku bile orang da kawen mereka akan berubah. mereka akan de masalah baru, dan aku tak mahu becerita tentang masalah aku dengan dia.

sorang lagi kawan baik aku pon da nak kawen. mereka sedang merancang. aku doakan mereka akan kawen cepat. insya-Allah..

sorang pas sorang g kawen.. dan tinggal la nanti aku sorang je.pe cerita aku? secara jujurnya, aku pun tak tahu. hanya berdoa ngan Allah s.w.t semoga dia akan membawa aku ke jalan yang terbaik, untuk diri aku. :)

Reviews on 50 Shades of Grey

First of all, I'm not novel-lovers or someone who loves to read novels. But I did like to read novel when I was in secondary school, but I noticed the story line or plot of most novels were all the same, so I lost my interest to read novel. But then again, since everybody keep on talking about this novel, I figured why don't I just try to read this novel. Maybe it does good. and it also because people always said it's an erotic novel. cough cough.

It turns out, it doesn't really that good. It's an erotic novel based on one of the sexual intercourse type, which is BDSM. but for me, it's not that bdsm. It's slightly bdsm, but other than that the novel just has that typical story line. A guy, named Christian Grey who is successful, handsome, so called prince charming who has everything, but he has this weird type of sexual desire. He doesn't believe in relationship and make love, no "fuck hard" certain women after they sign an agreement. The agreement clearly stated a few rules, which agree that grey will be the dominant the partner needs to listen to him, which is be the submissive. Eventually, he fell in love with a pretty poor girl, named Anastasia. She signs the agreement because she likes him. But after she got beat with belt, she realized that she doesn't like it, so she just left. Basically, that is the story line. Nothing interesting but, i guess for those who doesn't know about bdsm, that novel is such an open window to the new world for them.

I don't quite understand why this novel become the one of the best-seller novel. Maybe because of the marketing stunt but for me, the story is too cliche and it's not good at all. But one thing for sure, the usage of bdsm in the novel may attract reader and i guess why people are attracted to read the novel. huhu. Anyway, it's just my personal opinion. Some may find it interesting but it's up to you. I'm giving rate for this novel 4/10.

Tossing dice with the devil

it's the middle month of ramadhan and i'm still drifting away. i don't know i'm doing right now. am i screwing myself because i'm afraid of the future or just want to completely destroy myself.

what's worst, i keep on dreaming about death in the night. it makes me scared to sleep. so, i've been stay up at night for almost a week now.

i don't whether it is a psychological stress due to my relationship or i'm afraid of the result of my exam. it's like i'm tossing dice with the devil, which i know i'm going to hurt myself. i'm going to lose in this game. then i'll drawn in guilty and the depression will come back.

i don't to keep drifting but i don't know what to do.

The Arts of Cooking

I started to learn how to cook when i was 13 years old if i'm not mistaken. I don't know why but some say maybe it is in the blood, my mom is a cook, my grandfather was a cook, my grandmother in my father's side was a cook so.. the gene is so strong that makes me want to cook and appreciate more the arts of cooking.

so say it's because i like to eat, but here's the thing, most of my dishes that i cooked are not the dishes that i like. instead, it's a challenge that i got from my father and sometimes it's because the complicated flavours in the dish makes me want to try how to make it. there are many other dishes that i want to try to cook but i can't right now. maybe after i'm working and if i have free time, i will try to cook them. 

i always wanted to open a business of pastries, cakes and even biscuits but that dream.. i don't know whether i can accomplished that. and i always wonder why i'm in chemistry courses but not culinary's because i have more passion in that. but then again, maybe God wants me to learn other things than cooking. He wants me to know everything so i  won't be a bimbo girl who only knows how to make a macarons. huhu. 

Penantian (Kertas band)

Bulan dengarkan lantunku
Bintang temanilah aku
Terangi gelap malamku

Aku ingin engkau tahu
Ku kan selalu menunggu
Hilangkan rasa letihku

Bila nanti kau mengerti
Kumohon terangi aku

Dalam hatiku
Ingatkan aku
Untuk menahan rasa hati lelahku
Yang slalu ...
Rindukan tawamu dalam hatiku

Hanya dirimu ...
Beri malamku yang menghiasi jiwa
Yang rapuh
Terlalu merindumu
Hoo oo ooo....

Bila nanti kau mengerti
Kumohon terangi aku .....

Dalam hatiku
Ingatkan aku
Untuk menahan rasa hati lelahku
Yang slalu ...
Rindukan tawamu dalam hatiku
Ingkatkan aku ku kan tetap menantimu
Hingga hati itu
Kan jadi milikku huuu...uu....